Wednesday, July 25, 2007

No Word

I haven't heard from Sara since the day she walked out of here hand in hand with that bastard! I still can't believe that she went with him. Why would she do that? How could she go back with him knowing that he will only hit her again when ever he feels like it? Fuck! I just want to grab her and shake her! She a smart woman but fuck that has to be the dumbest fucking move ever!

I know, I know. Unless she is ready to get out, she'll stay in the relationship. I know she has to make that decision on her own but she was so close! She could've stayed here! My parents are just as worried about her as I am! I heard my mom crying the other night because she was watching the news and there was a story about a woman who was abused, who was killed by her husband. Mom came upstairs where I was getting ready for work and without knocking, she barged into my room. "You would never hit a woman, would you Tanner?"

I shook my head, "No mom."

"Good," mom said and then threatened me if I ever so much as raised my hand to a woman. "I gave you life and I can take it away!" She snapped before she stormed out of my room, slamming the door behind her.

Funny thing was, when I went downstairs to leave for work, she came over to me, told me that she loved me and then gave me a hug. "I'm sorry Tanner," she sobbed against my chest. "I'm just so upset about your friend, she seems like such a nice girl; it doesn't make sense."

I told mom she wasn't wrong, Sara is a nice girl.

"And she kissed you!" Mom beamed up at me. "You have no idea how happy I was to see that!"

"Mom it's not like that, Sara is just a friend."

Mom frowned, "But Tanner she came to you when she needed someone to take care of her, when she needed someone to trust. And she kissed you!"

I tried to hide my smile but I wasn't that successful at it. "Ok mom, she did sort of give me a kiss but it's not like that at all; if it was do you think she'd be with that bastard right now?"

My mom pondered this for a second and then sighed, "I see the way she looks at you Tanner, she likes you more than a friend."

I told her that she was seeing things. "I have to go work, I don't want to be late."

The second I walked into the store, Billy was at my side. "I finally got a hold of Sara," he told me. I didn't tell him anything about Sara coming to my place. "She says that she's ok but I don't know if I believe her. The whole time we were talking, I could hear Ken in the background asking who it was."

I stopped short. "Billy," I turned towards him. "Don't ever mention that bastards name to me again!"

Billy jumped back a little as I snarled at him. "Why? What do you know that I don't? Did Sara call you?"

"No," I shook my head. "I haven't talked to Sara since..."

"Since when? Did you see her?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I started to walk away but Billy jumped in front of me.

"He did it again, didn't he?" When I didn't answer Billy turned and kicked the full skid of show boxes. "Son of a bitch!" He turned back to me. "I've been trying to get her out of there since the first time she came to work with a black eye but she wouldn't listen to me, she told me she was ok."

I just stared down at him.

"How bad was it?"

I looked away.

"Come on, tell me."

"Why? What good will it do?" I snapped at him. "She won't tell the hospital staff the truth and she lied to the cops. How fucking bad do you think it was this time?"

"Hospital? Cops?" Billy seemed surprised. "He's never hit her that bad before."

"He shouldn't be hitting her at all!"

"No," Billy agreed and then asked me what I did. "You had to have done something," he told me when I said I didn't do anything. "Sara's friendship with you is the only thing that's changed in the past couple weeks." Billy grabbed me by the shirt. "What the hell did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" I shoved him off me. "This isn't my fault, this isn't Sara's fault either! That bastard needs help, he shouldn't be hitting her at all!"

I walked away from Billy that night and I haven't spoken a word to him since.

This isn't my fault, is it?

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nooooooooooooo, this is not your fault, it Sara's boyfriends fault, don't you go blaming yourself.

RJ

Anonymous said...

It isn't your fault. It is hers and Kens fault. I have been in that kind of relationship. She needs to leave. She won't until she has had enough.

bdave00

Anonymous said...

No it isn't your fault. Ken has a serious problem. Sara really needs to get out of there before he kills her. It sucks to be so helpless. She is crazy for staying but also she is probably scared of what he would do to her if she left. I hope you can get to her Tanner before it is too late.

Chris

Anonymous said...

No!! This is not your fault, not even a little bit.

Just be there to support her and encourage her and hopefully she will come around.

~T

Carmel Beauty said...

Many people try to place blame when bad things happen to good people you could come up with millions of reasons why it is or isn't anybody fault but in the end every person has to take responability for there actions The first time that Sara was hit she should have left her not leaving does not make the abuse her fault but she needs to leave what she is experiencing now is like stock holm syndrome the only way she will be able to leave is if she realizes the best thing for her is to go Ken also has to take the majority of the responsability because he needs to learn to control his anger and stop trying to use violence to control Sara he may in his own way love her but he is doing her harm and at some point he won't stop before he kills her they both need some sort of couseling before it gets out of hand the best thing you can do is steer her in the right direction and try to help build up her self esteem because once she starts loving herself more she will realize she deserves better than to take the abuse

Anonymous said...

Tanner - the first thing you need to do the next time you see Sara is get her phone # !!! Then find out where she lives - drive by once and while - maybe she'll be home alone! I know it sounds kind of stalker-ish but at least you'll know she's alive and well if you're able to talk to her or even see her. Who knows....maybe you'll even be able convince her to leave that loser, Ken!

SSF

Anonymous said...

I think that he should tell Billy what all happened to her, and then Billy call the cops since he already knew about the black eye.

And then, cops show up and arrest Ken. Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Vikki said...

Tanner, it isn't your fault. Ken is crazy psycho man.

Everyone can call the cops as much as they want, but if Sara doesn't press charges, it won't matter.

Billy is getting on my nerves. I understand that he likes Sara (clearly) and he cares about her, but GAAAAH- LEE! Get over yourself.

Great post!

Lynn said...

I hope Sara is all right, and finds the strength to leave that bastard!