The End - Part One

I held my breath as my fingers brushed against her towel. I didn’t think I had a chance in hell of actually getting it off her this time so I took my time, figuring that she wouldn’t be so quick to push me away if I didn’t seem like I was trying too hard to see her naked. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was but one look at her in the mirror told me I wasn’t the only one, Sara was chewing nervously on her bottom lip.

“Relax,” I whispered against her temple. “I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

“Tanner….”

“I promise.”

Sara nodded, her eyes lifting to meet mine in the mirror; she looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” My eyes dropped to her chest, I tried not to be disappointed but to tell the truth I was getting a little tired of the wall she threw up whenever I tried to get close.

She mumbled something but I didn’t catch it, so I asked her to repeat it. With a sigh, she slumped in my arms, “It’s ugly.”

My head snapped up. “Ugly?” I shot her a questioning look. “What’s ugly Sara?” She couldn’t have been talking about herself, there was no way, I had seen most of her at one point or another, I knew what she looked like and ugly wouldn’t be a word I’d use to describe it.

“Tanner….” She tried to turn in my arms but I stopped her. “Please, don’t.” She begged as she wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her upper arms in a classic protective mode. “I don’t want to see it.”

It blew my mind that she was telling me she didn’t want to be naked when I couldn’t wait to get my hands on her naked flesh. In fact, I couldn’t help but run my hands over her sides as I asked her why she didn’t want to see herself naked. “I know I would love to see you naked so I don’t understand why you don’t want to.”

Shifting from one foot to the other, Sara looked uncomfortable. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She tried to wiggle out of my grasp but I had enough of her avoiding issues with me.

“Talk to me Sara, stop avoiding the issues and tell me what’s going on. I can’t do anything when you don’t let me in.”

“I’m not avoiding anything,” she snapped. “I just don’t want anyone to see me naked.” With that declaration she pushed away from me and scurried to the far end of the bathroom. “There’s nothing wrong with that Tanner, a lot of people don’t want others to see them naked.” She picked up her hairbrush and started to brush her hair. “I’m not a freak.”

“Never said you were, I just said you needed to talk to me if you want a relationship with me – I can’t deal with this wall you throw up whenever I want to get closer.”

Slamming down her hairbrush, she turned to glare at me. “What about what I want Tanner? Why does it always have to be about what the guy wants?”

Leaning against the sink, I took a deep breath. “It doesn’t have to be about me Sara, it can be about you, if you only let me in on what’s going on with you.”

Shaking her head, she turned away. “It won’t matter what I say Tanner, you’ll never understand.”

“You aren’t even going to try?” I was pissed; I thought I deserved some explanation or something. “Do you even want a relationship? Or are you just wasting my time?”

“Do I…?” She stared at me, her eyes started to fill up with tears. “I can’t believe you asked me that.”

With a sigh, I asked her what I was supposed to think. “I keep trying to get closer and you keep pushing me away.”

“What do you expect from me?” She asked as tears rolled down her cheek. “Do you think it’s easy for me? No one has ever cared about what I think or feel – I’ve had to hide everything - it’s not easy to change.”

“Sara, I ask. I want to know. I’m not like….” I didn’t want to say his name; it always left an awful taste in my mouth whenever I thought about what he did to her. “I won’t hurt you Sara.”

She nodded, tears rolling down her face. “I know,” she whispered. “I know.”

“Come here,” I reached for her. “Don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed as she walked into my open arms. “I don’t mean to be such a bitch.”

Wrapping my arms around her waist, I held her tight. She felt so good, I didn’t know what I would do if she wasn’t there – she meant a lot more to me than I wanted to admit. “It’s ok baby, I don’t think you are a bitch.”

“No?” She lifted her head off my chest. “You just think I’m crazy.”

I smiled, “You have to be to be with me.”

“I am with you Tanner,” she squeezed me. “I want to be with you, I do.”

“I’m serious Sara.”

“So am I.”

“Being with me, you need to trust me enough to let me in. I need to know what’s going on, I can’t be tossed against that wall whenever you don’t feel like talking.”

“I know,” she gave me a weary grin. “It’s just going to take some time but I promise I’ll try – I really want to be with you Tanner.”

“Good,” I kissed her forehead. “So, we’ll start –“

“Tomorrow,” she stood on her tip toes and kissed my cheek. “We have to get ready for dinner.”

I chuckled. “What about after dinner? Can we talk then?”

“Yeah,” Sara nodded. “We can.” She pushed back from me and returned to fixing her hair. “Are you going to shower?”

I told her I was. “Did you want to watch?”

****

Before I pulled back the shower curtain, I wrapped my towel around my waist. I didn’t want too but if Sara wasn’t showing me then I didn’t want her to think that I was trying to push her if I paraded around her naked. Although, truth be told, I would rather be naked.

“Hey, look at you!”

“What?” She laid down her brush and turned towards me. With a hesitant hand, she touched her hair, “Is there something wrong Tanner?”

“Not at all, I like it.”

“Yeah?” She glanced in the mirror, looked happy for a split second before a frown appeared.

“You ok?”

She nodded, gave me a smile but it never reached her eyes. “I’m going to get dressed.”

****

We arrived downstairs about five minutes later than the time that mom requested but it looked like we weren’t the only ones who were late, Travis hadn’t shown up and Anna wasn’t anywhere to be found.

“Travis wouldn’t be doing something he shouldn’t with that Anna, would he?” My mom had pulled me aside just as Sara and I joined dad, Billy and her at the table.

“Like what mom?”

Mom gave me a knowing look. “Travis is a married man Tanner, I need to know if –“

“Good evening everyone,” Anna came waltzing into the restaurant, alone. “Oh wow,” she went to Sara and touched her hair. “You look amazing; you should do your hair like that more often.”

“Yeah?” Sara smiled at her as she fingered her hair. “Thank you Anna.”

Anna took a seat next to Billy, giving me a quick glance before telling Sara that it couldn’t have been the first time I heard that she looked good. “I’m sure Tanner has told you how beautiful you are.”

I told Anna I did. “But, of course, she didn’t believe me.”

Anna smiled. “Sometimes my boyfriend doesn’t think I believe him either, but I do, it’s just different to hear it from another chick because chances are that she’s not trying to get some, if you know what I mean.”

“See?” Sara patted my cheek and gave me a smile. “I’m not crazy.”

“I never said you were Sara.”

Chuckling, Anna told Sara that her guy always tells her she’s crazy. “But,” she leaned across and lowered her voice, “If you ask me, I think they love it when we are a little crazy, gives them something to fall back on when they have no idea what to do with us.”

“Is that so?” Sara grinned up at me. “Maybe I can be a little crazy, you know, if it helps you handle me.”

****

“Where is Travis?” It was a half an hour later and my brother still hadn’t graced us with his presence. “I tried calling the room but there wasn’t an answer.” Turning to me, she asked me to go upstairs and find out where he was. “Check the parking lot for his car!” Mom called after me as I left the restaurant.

Turned out, I didn’t even need to waste my time getting up; Travis was stomping across the lobby as I was leaving the restaurant. “I need a drink,” he told me. “Let’s go out somewhere and have a guys night, what do you say?”

Before I could tell him that I didn’t think it would be a good idea for me to have anything to drink, mom came out to see what was keeping us. “Your father needs to eat,” she told us as she grabbed both of our arms.

****

I had only been seated again for a couple minutes when I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Tanner?” I turned to see one of the servers from the banquet standing over my shoulder. Her eyes widened, “It is you!” With her hand still on my shoulder, she went on to tell me that the rest of the banquet girls and her were shocked to hear that I was in the hospital.

“I know what you mean,” Sara leaned forward, her hand slipping over my thigh as she moved. “When his mom called me at work and told me, it took a few minutes for it to sink in.”

The smile on Robin’s face slipped for a split second as she glanced at Sara.

Sara didn’t seem to notice, or maybe she didn’t care, she just continued to tell Robin just how worried she was. “I freaked out,” she told Robin. “I didn’t know what to do. Thankfully, I have a great best friend who is a rock…” She reached over and gave Billy’s hand a squeeze. “You’re the best.”

Robin couldn’t have seemed more disinterested in what Sara was saying if she tried. “That’s nice,” she aimed a fake smile in Sara’s direction.

Letting go of Billy’s hand, Sara turned around, not looking too happy. “I’m sorry,” she glanced at Robin’s hand on my shoulder. “I didn’t catch your name.”

By this time everyone at the table had dropped their menus. They were watching the interaction between Sara and Robin, who didn’t respond to Sara’s question. “Not going to answer?” Sara raised a brow and then surprised me with a shrug. “Doesn’t matter,” she patted my thigh and gave me a smile. “It doesn’t matter.” Then, as if nothing happened, she picked up her menu and gazed up at me. “What do you recommend Tanner?”

I wanted to laugh because it wasn’t the reaction I was expecting from Sara. To tell the truth, I expected her to be pissed and think that I was doing something with Robin behind her back. Not because I was but because that’s the conclusion most women would jump to when another dared to approach their man.

“Depends on what you feel like baby,” I stated as I slipped my arm around her shoulders and leaned in to kiss her temple. “Chicken, beef, pork or just something that’s all veggies?”

“I want….” She trailed off as her eyes met mine. “You,” she whispered.

****

I planked my ass down on a bar stool. Next to me Travis was slamming back shots, already on his way to a good hang over. “Are you going to tell me why you are drinking yourself stupid tonight?”

“She’s done.”

“Who’s done Trav?”

With a chuckle, he asked me who I thought. “Shelly,” he shook his head. “She told me she was done, she couldn’t – no, wouldn’t go to counselling or give us another shot. She said she gave me all the chances in the world to show her I care…” With a shrug, he motioned to the bartender to give him another shot. “I showed her the best I could Tanner, she just don’t understand but….I’m a guy for fuck sakes, we don’t do mushy bullshit stuff.”

“Not true, some guys do – I do.”
“Maybe she should’ve married you then.” He slammed back his shot before telling me he couldn’t talk to me. “Guys like you give the rest of us a bad name.”

“Come on Travis, if Shelly means anything to you, you won’t let her get away. Stop drowning yourself in alcohol, get your ass back home and deal with your issues!”

I left Travis sitting at the bar, sulking, to cross the lounge to the far corner where Sara was perched on a stool watching Anna and Billy play a pool. “Hey,” I pulled up a stool and sat next to her. “I thought you were playing?”

Shaking her head, she told me that she lost the last game. “The balls wouldn’t cooperate with me!”

I couldn’t let that statement go. Leaning closer, I lowered my head until my mouth brushed against her ear. “Baby, I know of a set that will.”