The End - Part Two

I wish I saved my breath; it never was going to happen, no matter how much I wanted it too. Sure, there were feelings and a whole lot of chemistry but in the end, Sara’s demons were too much for her to overcome that weekend.


“I can’t keep doing this Sara.”


“I’m sorry, I wish it weren’t like this.”


“But it is.” With a deep sigh, I pushed her away from me, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. “I think you should go.”


She started to speak but I didn’t want to hear it, I had enough. I was tired of telling her how I felt and having her remain frozen to me. I hated being the only one who seemed to care if we ever moved pass being friends. My body hurt from all the sexual tension that had been building up without any real release. I needed to find release and it didn’t look like she would be the one to help me with it. She wasn’t ready to be willing.


She had to go.


As much as I tried to tell myself it was for the best, watching her drive away that May morning tore me apart. I can’t tell you how many times I reached for the phone to call her and tell her I didn’t mean it when I said it was over. I wanted to tell her I was sorry I pushed; I would give her all the time she needed.


When I wasn’t thinking about calling her, begging her to come back, I was wishing that she appeared at my door. In fact, every time I heard footsteps for a couple days after she left, or every time my phone rang, for a brief moment I held onto the hope that it was Sara. It never was of course, but I still wished it.


To this day, I believe that if it wasn’t for my training in the hotel and the gruelling interview, hiring and training process I had to deal with when I got back home, I would’ve went after her. Or went down the same road my brother was travelling since Shelly left him.


I won’t lie and say it’s been easy to forget everything I feel for Sara. It hasn’t. No matter how much I bury myself in my work or who I use to get her out of my head. Even alcohol doesn’t help, trust me, I’ve tried.


I missed her. There wasn’t anywhere I went that I didn’t have some flashback to a time I spent with her. It was crazy how the woman could be everywhere and mean so much in just a short amount of time. From the time she broke up with The Bastard until the morning she drove away from the hotel, it had only been six months. I have had relationships – sexual relationships – that have lasted longer than that but some of them I really don’t remember at all. Nothing I’ve ever experienced could even come close to the emptiness that I felt without Sara.


So, last month, I decided to do something about it.