Talking The Talk

"Have you done anything new lately?" Sara asked as she bit into her sausage egger.

"No, I been busy at the shop with dad and the rest of my free time is spent at my brother's place."

She smiled, "I like your brother and his family; they seem happy."

"I guess, I really don't think about it. They've had their problems but Shelly hasn't left him so..." I shrugged.

"He loves her."

She said it with such conviction, it surprised me. I took a bite of my hash brown, chewing slowly as I thought about it. Sure, Travis said just as much to me earlier but some times I wondered if he really loved Shelly; he acted like she was an inconvenience, sometimes I didn't even know if he cared for her. "How do you know?" I found myself asking her.

"Your brother tries," she explained. "He may not be the most romantic, or the most thoughtful, but you can see that he's trying. When he stops, that's when I would worry about them."

"Why do you think that's a good thing, that he's trying? Shouldn't he have what Shelly wants down by now?"

"I like to think that want we want changes. One day we might want a man who makes us laugh, the next we might want someone who can makes us feel like the smartest woman, or the most beautiful. It changes Tanner, everything changes."

"Like us?" I finally approached the topic we had been avoiding.

"We haven't changed Tanner."

"No?" I glanced around my car. "Normally we wouldn't be having a conversation here."

"True," she nodded. "But that doesn't mean that anything changed Tanner."

"Feels like it changed," I grumbled.

"Not at all," she replied immediately.

"How can you say that when we haven't talked or spent anytime together in the last couple weeks?"

She stared right at me. Her eyes locked with mine. "We don't have to spend every single minute together, remember?"

I hated when the voice in my head repeated those words but to hear her say it? I was disgusted with myself. I threw my head back with a grunt, snacking it off the head rest a little harder than I expected.

"Oh!" She jumped, her hands reaching out towards me. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah," I leaned forward and rubbed the back of my head. "I'll be fine."

"Good, I didn't want to have to put this off because you gave yourself a concussion or something," she chuckled. "I'm glad you are ok."

"Me too," I rubbed my head once more. "So?" I raised a brow in her direction.

"So..." She drummed her fingers on her lap. "Oh hell," she jumped in her seat and turned to face me. "It really upset me that you wouldn't go home with me Tanner, I don't understand it."

"Why couldn't you..." I started to ask her why she couldn't stay but I didn't want to get into that argument again. "I feel stupid."

She looked confused as she asked why. "Do I make you feel that way?"

"No," I shook my head. "No Sara, you don't make me feel stupid."

"Then what's making you fee stupid?"

I sighed, it was now or never. "I...ummm..." I couldn't believe how hard it was to admit to her that I was jealous and I worried about measuring up. "Haha," I chuckled nervously - I wished she would stop looking at me.

"Does it have anything to do with my mom?" She toyed, nervously, with her fingers. "She likes you Tanner, I want you to know that."

"It's not your mom Sara."

"Then what is it?"

I took a deep breath, "The Bastard."

"What?" Her brow crinkled and her nose screwed up. "Ken? What does he...?" She shook her head in disbelief. "I don't get it Tanner."

"I don't know..."

"Yes you do Tanner."

"Yes, I do." I admitted. "It's just that...ummm...well..."

She waited, watching me.

"Fine," I groaned, raking my hand through my hair in frustration. "I feel stupid because I can't bring myself to go home with you knowing that you were with him there. In your room." I waited, she didn't say anything. "In your bed."

That got a response. Not one I expected but a response all the same. She laughed.

"Tanner!" She grabbed my hand. "Is that what's bothering you? You think it would be weird to be with me somewhere you think Ken was?"

"Yes," I wrapped my hands around hers. "I know it shouldn't bother me -"

"You're damn right it shouldn't!" She ripped her hand out of mine. "You have a problem with possibly being with me some where someone else was? Well how the hell do you think I feel? I saw you screwing Claire!"

Until she mentioned it, I forgot that she was in the bathroom stall that night. I said the only thing I could think of, "I'm sorry Sara."

She turned away from me, crossed her arms over her chest and stared out the windshield. "No you're not. You enjoyed every second of it."

I sighed, "I wish you didn't see that. I wish I didn't do it."

"It's too late for that," she told me. "But you know what Tanner? I didn't let the image of you with her stop me. I still spent time with you. I stayed at your house - in your bed - in your arms! I put all those images aside so that I could be with you. I wanted to be with you! Even while I was supposed to be with Ken, I was with you!"

"Sara I'm sor -"

"Don't," she stopped me. "I can't stand to hear you apologize again." She grabbed hold of the door handle. "Just so you know Tanner, Ken was never with me in my room," she looked over her shoulder at me. "I lived on my own when we met - I only moved back into my parents' house after my dad died - my mom was scared and lonely."