It's been a while since I reported about the events in my life because I've been avoiding thinking about what's been going on for the last week or so. The morning that I've been dragging out, the morning that Sara and I were interrupted by my mom, is the last thing I remember that made any sense. We were moving forward, I thought I was going to get 'lucky' and then...well I don't fucking know what happened. Maybe you can tell me.
We were getting ready for work after having supper with my parents. We were in the bathroom, Sara was using the mirror on the back of the bathroom door as she worked some girly smelling hair crap into her hair while I was standing at the sink, shaving. It was nice, she was chatting on about the 24 hour thing at work and how it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be; I was watching her in the mirror and thinking to myself how strange it was that I wasn't uncomfortable 'grooming' with her standing there.
"So I was thinking," she said as her hand brushed against my arm as she plugged in the hairdryer my mom lent her, "maybe it wouldn't be so bad to work around them again." She met my eyes in the mirror. "What do you think Tanner?"
"Well," I rinsed my razor off and brought it back to my face, about to tackle the right side. "It's your decision baby," I told her. "I just know it's not for me, I'm just trying to make as much money as I can so I can get my life back."
"Oh," she frowned as she turned back to the mirror on the door. Holding the hairdryer in one hand and her round brush in the other, she lifted her arms up, only to drop them again to shoot me a confused look. "What do you mean? This is just a 'stop over' on your way to getting your 'real' life back?"
I nodded, "I don't plan on working there for the rest of my life," I paused, turning to look at her. "In fact, I was talking to my brother a couple days ago and he might know of job for me after the new year that will help me get my life back a lot sooner than I hoped, so I won't need the night job anymore."
"That's great," she flashed me a smile but it seemed a little forced. I would've asked what was wrong but she turned on the hairdryer and turned away from me.
I figured that I was just seeing something that wasn't there, she seemed fine after she was done with her hair and we were in my room getting dressed. She was packing her clothes back into her overnight bag, like she always does every time she comes over and I figured that, since she was going to come over in the morning again, she should just leave the bag alone. I mentioned that to her and she said she couldn't.
"Come on Sara, it's not like my parents are going to mind you leaving your stuff here."
"It's not that," she glanced at me before shoving her toiletries into the bag. "I can't come over after work tomorrow morning, so I have to take this with me tonight."
"Oh?" I didn't remember her telling me this before. "Why can't you come over? Are you upset or something?"
"No," she shook her head. "I have to go home, that's all." She zipped up the bag and then stood there staring down at it for few seconds. She didn't say anything else, so I continued to get dressed. I was in the middle of pulling on a t-shirt when she said my name, "Why don't you come home with me in the morning?"
"What?" I pretended I didn't hear what she had said as I pulled my shirt down over my chest.
"Yeah," she came over to me with a smile on her face. "Come home with me in the morning."
"Why?" I stared at her blankly. "What's wrong with you coming here in the morning?"
She smile faded, "I told you I have to go home in the morning. Could you please come home with me?"
"Why do you have to go home?"
"I have stuff I have to do at home Tanner," she sighed. "Why don't you want to come home with me?"
"Why don't you tell me what you have to do?"
Sara stared up at me and then sighed, shaking her head. "Forget about it," she said as she turned away.
"No," I circled around to stand in front of her. "Why won't you tell me why you have to go home? It's just like the other week when you blew me off and didn't tell me why."
"I didn't blow you off Tanner," she crossed her arms over her chest. "I told you I had to go home and I asked you to come with me. Why don't you ever want to come home with me?" I tried to tell her she was being silly but she didn't believe me. "No, I'm not Tanner. Every single time I ask you to come with me, you tell me 'no' or you pretend not to hear me."
"Sara," I reached for her but she quickly avoided my hands.
"No," she said when she was out of my reach on the other side of my bed. "Why don't you want to come home with me? Is it because my mom is home? Do you not like my mom Tanner?"
"No Sara, I think your mom is a nice lady."
"Then why do you act like going home with me would be a fate worst than death?"
I didn't answer her.
"If it's not because of my mom, it because of me?"
I told her she was being silly, I liked spending time with her.
"Well then why don't you come -"
"We don't have to spend every fucking moment together Sara!" I snapped without even thinking, I just wanted her to stop asking me why. And when I realized what I said, I started to apologize but fuck! you should've seen the look on her face.
"You're right," she said quietly. "We don't have to spend every moment together." She grabbed her bag off the bed. "It's funny though," she said with a sad chuckle. "You don't mind being with me when it's at work or here but you can't be with me at my house?"
"Come on Sara," I grabbed hold of her arm as she tried to run pass me to the door. "It's not that at all."
She didn't say a word or even look at me. She closed her eyes though, and clenched her lips together but I saw the slight tremble of her chin. She was fighting the urge to cry, I just knew it and fuck me, I felt like an ass.
I didn't want this, I didn't want to make her cry but I just couldn't bring myself to go to home with her - I didn't want to spend time with her in a place where she was with the Bastard.
And I wasn't about to admit that to her. I wasn't about to show her just how fucking insecure I could be, so I let her go. I released her arm and told her to go.
She took off for the stairs, sobbing as she went. I heard my mom call out to her as she made her way to the kitchen but according to the way my mom called out, and the earful I got when I ventured downstairs, Sara didn't stop.
That all happened just before Christmas. Merry Ho Ho to me! It was a great holiday. I don't know why I thought she would come around, why I thought she would be ok at work around me. I don't fucking know why I didn't tell her the reason I didn't want to go home with her. All I know is that work, home and everything else isn't the same without Sara.
So my New Years resolution? Be a fucking man for once and get the girl back.
Oh and to take the job with my brother, make lots of money and finally put the whole restaurant disaster behind me.
Now, how do I go about doing it?
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Big Time Ass
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15 comments:
she thinks "get back to my life" means get back to a life that doesnt have her in it. and your a moron just be honest
Tanner is such a prick! I can't believe he told her they do not have to spend every minute together when he's the one who's always after Sarah and wanting to spend time with her. He has some balls or lack of them and if he can't stand to be in the same house as the "Bastard" then why doesn't it bother him that Sarah and the "Bastard" had sex? The "Bastard" spent time doing that with her too, but it doesn't seem to stop Tanner from trying have sex with her. Tanner needs to grow up and grow some balls, let go of Sarah's past, she seems to be letting go of the past, and she seems to have grown some balls too!!
i think they're both hiding something. why cant she tell him what she has to do? it's a simple question. she could have to grocery shop, or just say, cause i would just like to spend some time at home and have you come to appreciate my home too.
he was a bit of a prick for saying that, but she has to stop being so.. i dont know the word.. i dont want to say bitchy, cause that's not quite it.. uptight maybe?
Okay Tanner you were being an Ass so that is an apporiate Title for this entry. Tell her how you feel and get over your insecurity she is with you now and needs to know that you want her just as much as she wants you talk to her. Soon before she doesn't want to talk anymore.
Tanner you dumb ass. she is upset because she feels that job is just an excuse to not be with her. she wants you to keep working there so you can be together but she wants you to say you want that! DUH!
Suck it up and tell her how you feel. And then suck it up some more and accomodate her, too. Make a resolution to each other to start being honest and telling each other how you feel when you feel it instead of waiting until it's an issue.
I don't think Sarah is hiding anything, she shouldn't have to explain to him why she would like to spend time with him at her house, and it shouldn't be such a hassle either. Everything with Tanner is one way, his way. Why can't he give a little and do something she wants and stop thinking about his dick.
Ok. I think that I have an unhealthy obsession with blogs! I am so upset that Josh and Anna aren't together anymore that I went home last night after reading that post and tried explaining it to my husband during dinner. He said " Isn't it fake? Y do you care?" In fact, I feel like I can't even read View From This Chair anymore because I am so sad. And then I come into work today and read this one with Tanner and it totally pissed me off that I was thinking- "Well Sarah deserves better than this prick." Man, I need a life! Sorry for complaining on here!!!
Tanner just needs to be honest with Sara. I can understand his apprehension about going to her house but he needs to tell her about it so they can work through it together.
I know Sara wants to take things slow but I think they would have been better off staying strictly platonic for awhile. Its perfectly understandable for Sara to want to go slow but its also unfair to Tanner for her to run hot and cold so often. I think they should have stayed friends without all the kissing and cuddling until they could both come to terms with what happened and begin to overcome it.
*yawn* deja vu? They just had this fight and got over it. Honestly, I know it's hard to keep a blog interesting without constant conflict and bickering between the two characters, but you can use some other kind of conflict outside of the couple and JUST LET THEM BLOODY GET ALONG for a few posts please. I'm beginning to lose interest in whether these two get together because all there is to this story is whether he gets in her pants, there's not a plot left outside of that. *yawn* again.
I checked back for another post and didn't see one, so I re-read this one, Tanner your still a prick!
Ok, Sara has to understand that Tanner wasn't planning on staying at Wal-mart forever, and Tanner has to understand that if he doesn't communicate with Sara, he'll end up saying things he regrets. I can't believe it can go from "I love you" to "We don't have to spend every waking moment together" when "I don't want to be with you in the same place the Bastard was" probably wouldn't get him in as much trouble. Really, COMMUNICATION PEOPLE!
I really do enjoy this blog, but it is getting old. They get so close to doing it, something happens to stop them, Tanner screws up, Sarah runs away from him. Can't they just get along for a little while??
even though the blog is a little bit repetitive, it's real life. a lot of couples go in this circle of being happy for a day and then fighting for a week. it's just kinda normal for people. i know i'm in a situation similar to sarah and tanners. we aren't dating, and aren't have sex...but we get along for a day and then he does something stupid and pisses me off, but neither of us wants to give it up. =]
Geez Tanner, you may just have to go outside of your comfort zone and go to her place. It won't kill you. When my bf and I started dating he never wanted to come to my place, and he refused to sleep there. It's not like it was dirty or anything, and it upset me greatly. Don't be a dick... make it up to her.
Show up in your jammies with your pillow in your arm, and maybe some flowers. Cook her breakfast before bed, or whatever it is you third shifters like to eat. And as far as taking that other job, I'm sure she is happy for you, but also sad that she won't be working with you anymore, or even the same hours which will make it doubly hard to see you.
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