"Give me up? You mean you would go back to that bastard after everything he did to you?" I about seeing red, I couldn't believe that she would even consider going back to him. I couldn't help but think - are you fucking stupid?
Hey! I said I was thinking it! I'm not stupid enough to actually say it and expect to still have my nuts.
"No!" Sara's eyes went really wide. "I never want to be with Ken again! I meant that he would make it difficult for us if we had a baby together!"
"So what?" I was getting a little irritated by her thought process, why the hell would she let that bastard have that much control over her now? If she was pregnant, who was he to tell her who she could or couldn't see?
"I just didn't want that stress Tanner."
"Oh," I turned away from her. "I see."
"What do you see Tanner?"
I ignored her, choosing to get out of bed and head over to my desk instead where I sat in my swivel chair and spun myself around a couple times, trying to escape the thoughts I was having but knowing that there was only one thing I could do.
"Tanner! Don't walk away from me!" She was off the bed and at my side in no time at all. "What do you see?"
I sighed, stopped the chair from spinning around and slowly turned to face her. She looked so scared and helpless as she stood in front of me in her over sized, work wore t-shirt with her hair falling from the ponytail she always wore for work, partly from working and partly from being in bed with me. "Sara," I reached for her hands to pull her closer but she batted my hands away.
"Just tell me what you see?" She pleaded, her voice wavered giving away just how scared she really was. I wanted to hold her hands so I tried again but this time she crossed her arms over her chest.
FUCK ME!
My concentration broke and my eyes drifted to her tits.
"TANNER!" She dropped her arms in frustration.
"Ah," I chuckled, ran my hand through my hair as I tilted my head downwards.
"Tanner please tell me."
Rubbing the back of my neck, I sighed. "I see that you aren't as ready to move on from the bastard as I hoped you would be by now."
"Yes I am, I just -"
"No Sara," I shook my head as I rose from my chair. "If you were ready you wouldn't have pushed me away even if you were pregnant with his baby."
"You don't understand Tanner! Ken would make -"
"Your life miserable, I know! I heard you Sara! And I think that's a bullshit excuse!" In the back of mind, I knew I was being a jerk but I couldn't stop myself. "Pushing me away because he wouldn't like it if we were more than friends? When are you going to realize that you aren't under his control? You are your own person? If you wanted the baby and me, you could've had both! We could've handled the bastard together!"
"Tanner..." Sara's bottom lip started to tremble and tears filled her eyes as I continued to rant like a lunatic.
"You pushed me away, telling yourself you were doing it for all the right reasons and I would understand whenever your stupid fear didn't find any ground but I don't! There's no way I could even begin to understand the fucked up logic that went into that decision Sara!"
Tears were running down her cheeks, she tried to brush them away with her palm but there were too many. And I'll be damned if the raving lunatic didn't continue to ream her out.
"You didn't even confide in me! You confided in Billy! How the hell do you think that makes me feel? Did you not trust me? Did you think I would turn you over to the bastard? Fuck Sara! I've tried to be supportive but you refused to even let me be that! Fuck!" I whipped my hands into the air in sheer frustration when I said 'fuck' and she jumped.
"Please don't," she begged as she covered her face with her arms.
And that's when the raving lunatic froze.
"Sara..." I went to reach for her but she was backing away, crying so hard.
What the fuck was I doing?
I tried to talk to her but her sobs were drowning me out. I felt like such a fucking prick. I told myself I was no better than the bastard, I may not have hit her or even thought about it but I still hurt her. Maybe even more than he ever could.
She wouldn't let me touch her, she just stood there, half bent over, crying.
That was a week ago and it was the last time I had a conversation with her - she has been avoiding me at work and simply ignoring my calls.
I have no idea how to make this up to her.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
My Heart Is On Fire
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15 comments:
Time... and a little understanding would go a long way... and chocolate... is always nice too!
and flowers
Why should you have to make anything up to her? I understand Tanner and Sara are "just friends", but she has been leading him to believe, as well as doing things that indicate some type of romantic involvement. What would she expect his reaction would be? The thing with relationships is trust, and she didn't trust him enough to tell him. She is acting childish for not speaking to him when IMO all he did was tell her how he was feeling.
good job dumb ass!! (haha...I mean Tanner...not Angela)
I agree. I don't think he needs to make anything up to her. Maybe him going off was what she needed to hear to get her back to being her own person. I understand that she "went through a lot", but sometimes all it takes to get past that is a good shaking. Tanner can either just let her go or if he really does want to be with her, let her take some time to see that he was right. Either way, it'll work out... hopefully in the right way.
Yea, I think Tanner was totally entitled to that little rant. Hopefully Sarah will realize that soon enough and realize he was only outraged because he has no intention of going anywhere...she'll come around
I agree tanner was entitled to give his opinion. Maybe it was a little harsh but sometimes people need that. It should serve to help her realize that she still has feelings for the bastard.
This may sound like a really stupid question, but is this a fictional story? If so you do a really good job of making it seem real, and if its real, you have an intense life haha
Ditto! She is playing with his emotions. He had a right to rant and tell her the way he is feeling. She needs to get her emotions and feelings in check and decide what she wants either Tanner or the Bastard....
I totally think "Tanner" was entitled to what happened. Maybe he didn't need to scream but obviously emotions get ahead of people sometimes.
I think we as women don't always think about the other way around - a girl leading a guy on because we are so used to the other way around - but its true, even if she is doing it because she is emotionally scarred right now, she is still leading him on... and i see it as she is leading him on to make herself feel better, whether it is conscious or not! She may really like him but if she isnt ready for a relationship she needs to back the eff off and deal with her issues. Sara is even starting to piss me off! I feel bad for Tanner. He is doing everything he can and she won't let him in and then acts like a child half the time and turns it around and tries to make him feel like the immature one.
I have to echo the sentiments of my fellow readers. Sara needs to get it together. If she's not ready to move on, she needs to let tanner go. Or at the very least, slow down with him. And give him the option to bow out if he can't wait.
First, admitting to her that you were totally out of line would be good. Then apologize for making her feel like she did when she was with Ken, and third, buy her flowers or take her out. APOLOGIZE big time dude, you scared her. There are ways to talk to women, and that was not one of them.
I agree with Middle Child. He needs to apologize for the rant, not necessarily what he said. She was scared, and he caused that. But, yeah....she needs to make a decision if they're going to be friends....or more.
So he got a little loud big deal. All he did was raise his hands in frustration. Can you blame him? I can't. She is toying with his emotions..
I agree, it's about time he let her know that she can't keep playing with his feelings. She wants to be "just friends" but knows that he wants more and feeds on that. One other question, what happened to the annoying neighbor girl? Haven't heard from her in quite some time.
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