The End

My Saturday started off as normal as ever. I woke up early, rolled out of bed and crashed on the couch with a box of Fruit Loops in one hand and the remote in the other. Just as it was when I was a boy, Saturday mornings was all about the cartoons. It was the way it should be.

Except this Saturday morning, half way through my first cartoon, my phone rang. Two of the three waitresses that were supposed to be working that morning were in a car accident the night before, Scott informed me. “They are ok, just a little shaken up but they won’t be in. You need to find someone to cover or come in and work in the restaurant.”

Being short staffed, I knew it wouldn’t be that easy to find someone to cover one shift, let alone two but I tried all the same, since I didn’t really want to work on the only full day off I had in almost two weeks. It seemed I wasn’t the only one who felt that way either, of the ten people I called, half didn’t answer and the other half told me that they couldn’t work. I even tried calling some of my strictly banquet servers, to see if either one of them would like to make a couple extra bucks but I had no luck.

Hauling my ass of the couch, I had no choice but fore go my cartoons that morning. “Next week, I promise,” I told my TV as I turned it off.

****

I walked into a sideshow, I swear. It was only 7:30 am, the restaurant had only been open for a half hour and already it was filling up. “Is there a sale I don’t know about?” I asked Betty, my head waitress, as I walked into the server’s station.

“Just your average Saturday morning,” she threw over her shoulder as she disappeared into the crowd of customers with two drink trays in her hands.

I couldn’t believe she was smiling! She’s got to be crazy, I thought as I walked back through the kitchen to my office. I was in the middle of removing my jacket when Scott appeared out of nowhere. “I didn’t call you to come in and sit in the office. It’s crazy out there; Betty could use a little help.”

“Then go and help her,” I snapped, not really in the mood for his bitchiness. “I just came back here to take off my jacket and change my boots; I’ll be out front in a second. Or longer, if you really want to jump all over me this morning.”

****

“We’ve been waiting for twenty minutes already! How much longer will it be for a table?” An hour into the breakfast crowd and I didn’t think we would ever get through it.

“Just a couple more minutes,” I replied as pleasantly as I could to the couple. Problem was that we couldn’t clear the tables as quickly as needed, so there were a few dirty ones still sitting empty. Even though Scott was still there, he wasn’t much help, he just sat in the corner of the restaurant, watching Betty and me with a disapproving look. I wanted to go over to him and tell him to leave because we needed the table, but Betty wouldn’t let me. “I need this job,” she told me as she quickly made her drinks for three different tables.

“That’s what you said a few minutes ago,” the husband told me as I started to walk away. “This has to be the worse service I’ve ever received; I want to talk to your manager!”

Tapping my nametag, I stared at him. “I am the manager and as you can clearly see we are really busy. I’m sorry you have to wait a little longer than planned but we are doing our best to ensure that you are seated as quickly as possible. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go answer that bell.”

As the husband sputtered, I walked towards the kitchen, slamming through the doors. “Read the bill Tanner!” one of the cooks yelled at me when I asked where the order went.

“Table 14,” another cook called out.

“Thanks,” I called back as I grabbed the hot plates and returned to the restaurant. As I was placing the order in front of the customers and asking if they needed anything else, I heard the bell ringing again.

“Just refills please,” the little old lady smiled up at me. “Hot water and lemon for me and decaf for my husband, when you have a minute young man.”

I couldn’t help but smile back. Don’t ask why but maybe it was the sweet way she spoke or maybe I was just losing it. “I’ll see what I can do,” I told her as I turned to go answer the bell again.

“Table 20!” Came the call when I walked through the door.

“Thanks,” I laughed as I grabbed the plates. “Thanks a lot!” I threw over my shoulder as I hurried back into the restaurant.

“What can I do?”

“What?” I stopped in my tracks.

“You look like you could use some help,” Anna motioned around the busy restaurant. “I want to know what you would like me to do.”

The bell rang again. “Well…” I glanced around. Dirty tables. Line up to pay and to get in. “Clean tables? Bring out orders? Seat people? The choice is yours Anna.” I started to walk away but then paused, “Table 14 would like refills, maybe grab the coffee pot and hot water and see who else needs refills.”

“Yes Sir!” She saluted me with a big grin on her face before jumping into action. I happen to pass her five minutes later and she was juggling the coffee pot and a couple menus while seating the couple who were complaining at the front counter earlier. “Can I interest you in some coffee?” She asked. They said yes. “Good,” she filled their coffee cups and told them that either Betty or I would be with them as soon as possible.

“Why can’t you take our order?” The husband demanded.

Anna chuckled, “I’m afraid this is over my head, I’m just the Personnel Manager! Tanner and Betty are better qualified.” Lowering her voice, she told them she was afraid she’d mess up their order. “And nobody wants that!”

“You are great, you know that?” I told her when I happened to run into her a few minutes later as she was returning to the kitchen with a bus pan full of dirty dishes. “I didn’t handle that couple very well at the front counter.”

“I know,” she smiled. “I saw that and decided I should offer to help.”

“What are you doing here anyway? Aren’t you off on Saturdays?”

“I had to come in to finalize payroll,” she told me. “If I don’t, no one gets paid!”

The bell rang. “I better get that,” she jumped. “And you better get those drinks out too.” I was still standing at the server’s station making my drinks when she came out of the kitchen. “Hey,” she called out. “Tell me, how long as he been sitting there watching you guys run around like this?”

I didn’t even have to look; I knew she was talking about Scott. “For a while now.”

Anna rolled her eyes. “I think it’s time he did something, don’t you?” She walked away with a mischievous grin on her face.

I finished my drinks and delivered them. A couple minutes later, I was standing at the front counter about to cash out a group of people when Scott came up and told me he would do it. I happened to run into Anna on my way to grab a table’s order. “What did you say?”

“I told him we were busy and needed the table.” She responded. “And I also told him that there were a few tables to be cleaned if he needed something to do.”

I told her she had balls and she laughed. “The worse he can do is fire me Tanner.”

****

Anna tossed the dirty rag she was holding, into the wash bag and then sighed. It was almost 3:30 and the rush had finally died down enough that we were able to make the restaurant look inviting once again. “I should be going now, I have dinner plans tonight.”

“Thanks for all the help, we couldn’t have done it without you,” Betty gushed as she counted her tips for the day since she was off.

“No problem,” she replied as she gathered her jacket from its spot in the corner of the front counter. “Just don’t need help anytime soon; I’m not sure I’m cut out of this kind of work!” She may have been serious but I saw the way she handled customers and I believe she really enjoyed herself. “Have a good day guys,” she called over her shoulder as she left.

“Wait! Anna!” Betty jumped up and went after her. Five minutes later she returned, shaking her head. “She’s nothing like I thought she would be.”

I was in the middle of writing the supper special on the board. “What do you mean?”

“She just seems so serious all the time and I thought she was in Scott’s back pocket but the way she told him to get out or help? That was intense! She also made me laugh when it was really busy. Plus, she busted her ass along with the rest of us and she refused to take a cut of my tips! She said she was just doing her job and that I deserved it all for having to deal with her! Like she was trouble or something.”

I smiled. “She’s right, you do deserve it all, you were great today Betty. Thanks for all your hard work.”

Betty blushed. “You were pretty great yourself.”

With a laugh, I told her to go home or I would make her stay until the next shift got in. “I don’t think so,” she grabbed her coat. “My husband has tickets to tonight’s game and I’m going with him!”

****

By the time the next shift showed up, I was more than ready to get out of there and enjoy the rest of my day off. Unlike Anna and Betty, I didn’t have an plans with a significant other and even though I could’ve called someone up, there was only one I wanted to spend time with and she wasn’t giving me any signs that she was interested still.

“She has to be,” I told myself as I wandered through the aisles of the local grocery store. I had convinced myself that there was no way I could still be so wrapped up in her and she wasn’t giving me a second thought. “I just need a plan,” I told the bag of potatoes I yanked from the display.

Apparently, a better plan than kissing her at midnight on New Years and taking off. “Who does that?” Shelly ripped into me a couple days after. “What did you think she would do Tanner? Run after you in the freezing cold when you didn’t seem to want to stick around and find out if she liked it or not.” To make matters worse, she asked me who I got romantic advice from, “Your brother?”

She went on to ask me where I disappeared to. “Sara tried calling you but there was no answer at your place. Where did Travis drag you? To some whore’s house?”

The boys were spending the week after New Years with Travis so Shelly didn’t know that we went to mom and dad’s house. When I told her Travis was all for leaving and he wanted to see the boys, she was speechless.

For about a second. “What the heck is he trying to pull Tanner? He’s acting so weird. Moving out of the house without a fight, wanting to spend time with the boys, not fighting me for anything in the divorce…” She trailed off. “He’s not sick, is he?”

“No, he’s not Shelly.”

With a groan, Shelly told me she doesn’t understand Travis anymore. “I wish he would talk to me,” she confessed. “He use to talk to me all the time, now he barely says a word.”

“Maybe he thinks it’s better this way Shelly, you did tell him you wanted a divorce.”

“Yeah but….” She sighed.

“I really don’t know what Travis is thinking. And no, he didn’t give me advice on Sara, I just couldn’t handle being there any longer watching other men try to pawn her.”

“You should’ve stuck around,” she told me. “She really wanted to talk to you, she had asked Billy to make sure you knew she was going to be there.”

“That’s great,” I said. “But if that was the case, if she wanted to talk to me, why hasn’t she called? It’s been a few days.”

“She got a surprise visit from her mom,” Shelly informed me. “The day after New Years, her mom showed up and it sent Sara spinning. I’m not sure what happened but she didn’t sound too happy when I talked to her the other night.”

After talking to Shelly, I called Billy to see what he had to say but he told me it wasn’t a good time. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” he promised but I didn’t hear from him again.

Part of me wanted to just go to Sara’s and see what’s up but another part of me wanted her to be the one who came to me. I didn’t want it to seem like I was pushing her. I think I did enough of that.

So without a plan and my friends being no help, I went home Saturday and threw a couple pork steaks into the oven before jumping in the shower.

****

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Dropping my razor, I grabbed a towel and ran out into the kitchen where I dropped my cell when I came home. No sooner did I pick it up but it stopped ringing. I went to check who called and it started ringing again. It was my parents’ number.

“Hello?”

“Tanner, where are you? I’ve been trying to call you all afternoon.”

“I was at work,” I told mom. “What’s going on? Is everything ok?”

“Yes, of course everything is ok. I just wanted to see if you were going to come over for supper, you told me you didn’t work today.”

“I wasn’t scheduled to work but there was an accident and a couple of my waitresses couldn’t come in. I -” Mom cut me off to ask if the girls were ok. “From what Scott told me, they were shaken up but not really hurt. They hit a deer on the highway last night.”

“They are lucky,” mom said before changing the subject. “Are you coming over for supper?”

Running a hand through my wet hair, I told mom I had a long day and already had something in the oven for supper. “Maybe tomorrow,” I offered.

“Sure, sure,” she replied but I don’t really think she was paying that much attention to me anymore. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” she told me before saying ‘bye’ and hanging up on me.

****

With Theory of a Deadman’s CD ‘Scars & Souvenirs’ playing in the background, I got to work, making the rest of my dinner. To go along with the pork steaks, I decided to make garlic mashed potatoes and heat up a tin of cream corn. It wasn’t anything fancy but to my empty stomach it sounded like a meal fit for a king.

Pushing up the sleeves of my old High School sweatshirt I pulled on when I got out of the shower, I pulled the 10lb bag of potatoes I picked up at the grocery store onto the counter and then turned to grab a knife. When I pulled up a stool and sat down at the counter, I not only had a knife but also a glass of red wine. I don’t normally drink wine but on my way home from the grocery store, I stopped into the liquor store and bought a bottle for the hell of it. The first sip I took of the wine, made me cringe but I was determined to drink the glass, at least.

While the guy from Theory of a Deadman sang about being so happy he threw some chick out, I ripped open the bag of potatoes and took a couple out to peel. I had five peeled and went for the sixth one when I stopped myself and wondered why I was making so much. I had thrown the pork steaks into the oven without realizing I put in all four and now I was in the middle of peeling a lot of potato, sure I liked leftovers but there was a limit.

Shoving back from the counter, I got up and grabbed a pot from the cupboard for the potatoes. As I filled the pot with water, my doorbell rang. With a frown, I turned off the tap and placed the pot on the counter before grabbing a dish towel to dry my hands.

As I made my way across my living room and down the hall towards the front door, I thought maybe it was Travis since he had a habit of just showing up whenever he felt like it but whoever it was didn’t hold down on the doorbell or push it in rapid succession so it couldn’t have been him. Then I thought it could be mom and dad since she did call and hang up suddenly when she found out I was home but it was suppertime and there’s no way she would be out ‘visiting’ anyone at that hour, it just wasn’t like her.

I can honestly say that, while I may have hoped it was her, I never really expected it to be Sara. In fact I almost myself convinced I was seeing things when I opened the door to see her bundled up in front of me, holding a big gift bag. “Hi,” she looked nervous as she gave a half wave and smiled up at me.

I stared at her for a long time. Maybe a little too long because her smile faded and she raised a questioning brow in my direction. “Can I come in?” She asked as a cold wind stirred the snow on my front step. “Or is it a bad time?”

“Uh sure,” I stumbled as I moved back to let her in.

“Brrr!” She shivered as I closed the door. “I thought it was going to warm up,” she stated as she pulled her hood down and shook her head sending all her curls bouncing as she did. “With all the cold weather,” she continued as I watched her unzip her coat and remove it. “I hoped it would be a really early spring.” She chuckled and turned towards me. “Do you think it’s possible?”

She could’ve asked me anything at that moment, anything at all and the answer would’ve been the same. “Sure, yeah,” as my eyes travelled from her pretty, smiling face to the white, low cut v-neck sweater that clung to every curve. I only got a moment to dwell on her chest before her fingers cupped my chin and she forced me to look at her face again. “Save that for later?” She asked with a smile. As quickly as she touched me, she dropped her hand again and moved further into my home.

“What?” I started after her, still shocked that she was there.

She paused in front of the fireplace, which I had lit just after I got out of the shower. “Oh,” she sighed as she turned back on to it. “That feels so nice!” Wiggling her butt, she laughed as she told me that it was cold.

“I see,” I needed to get away from her that moment or I would’ve done something she would’ve slapped me for. But her butt would not have been cold anymore. Crossing the living room, I made my way around the counter into the kitchen and grabbed the pot I filled before she showed up.

“Oh!” She exclaimed as she pulled up a stool on the other side of the counter. “You haven’t had supper yet, I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was interrupting.”

I started to tell her not to worry about it when she reached across the counter and placed her hand on my arm. “Did you want me to come back another time?” She asked as she leaned over the counter, giving me a clear view down her sweater. Fuck me, I thought as I pulled my arm away from her to grab my wine glass. She’s not wearing a bra!

“Tanner?” She raised a brow as I drained my glass. “Are you ok?”

“Yes.” I can tap Morse code on the counter with my cock. What do you think? “Would you like some wine?”

“Sure,” she flashed me a smile. “If you’re sure it’s ok I’m here.”

“It’s fine,” I told her as I pour a glass of wine for her and another for myself. “Have you had supper yet?”

“No, I haven’t. I was too nervous about seeing you again, I couldn’t eat.”

At least I wasn’t the only one. “Are you still nervous?”

Holding up her hand, she held her thumb and pointer finger apart about a centimetre. “A little,” she chuckled. “But it smells so good in here; my hunger is starting to overcome my nervousness.” She asked what I was making, when I told her, she groaned. “Sounds good Tanner,” she rubbed her stomach. “I like it when a man cooks, it’s so sexy.”

****

I stayed on my side of the counter for as long as I could. I wouldn’t dare go to her side because I knew nothing in the world would keep me from hauling her into my arms and kissing her senseless. But soon, I had dinner on and we were just sitting there, not saying anything at all.

“You have a nice place Tanner,” Sara said after a good five minutes of us just staring across the counter at each other. “Care to give me a tour?”

“Umm?” I watched her hop down from her stool and stare at me expectantly. “Sure, ok. A tour.” With my hands rammed into the pockets of my pj pants, I walked around the counter and started towards the front of my house. “Front door.”

“Yeah,” she slipped into step beside me. “I remember that well. I wasn’t sure you were going to answer, it seemed to take forever!”

“Uh huh,” I continued a little further down. At the end of the hall was the main bathroom, I stopped long enough to flip on the light and say bathroom before I started to move again.

“Wait a minute,” she grabbed hold of my arm. “I didn’t get a good look at it.”

“Sorry,” I mumbled as I went back and turned on the light for her again.

She walked into it, looked around and then turned towards me and said, “Nice,” before joining me in the hallway again. “What’s next?”

“Spare rooms,” I informed her as I flipped on the light in the first one. “Yeah,” I glanced at the mess of boxes. “I really haven’t gotten around to cleaning this one up yet but the other one is liveable. Travis keeps saying it’s his room…”

“Oh?”

“Sometimes he crashes here when he goes out.”

“Ahhh,” she nodded her head. “It must be nice to live so close to the bars.”

I shrugged. “And you’ve seen the living room and kitchen.” I rambled as I walked through both. “This,” I paused by the back door. “Leads to my back yard.” Without giving a thought to the fact that it was minus 30 outside, I yanked the door open and let in a blast of cold air.

“It’s cold!” Sara exclaimed as she gripped my arm and hid behind my back.

“Sorry,” I slammed the door shut again and turned to her. “That’s my house.”

She frowned.

“What’s wrong?”

“You aren’t going to show me your room?”

One glance over my shoulder towards my room was all it took to make me think of not only showing her my room but also showing her the inside of my bed and how great it can be naked.

Thankfully, the oven timer went off.

“Dinner’s ready.”

****

Over dinner we talked about work, friends and family. There never seemed to be a moment of lull in our conversation until the last piece of food was put away and the dishes were done. Then, the kitchen seemed to become smaller as I stood there watching her return my dish towel to its rack. “So….Sara…”

“Yes?”

I was going to ask her what she was doing here but the moment she turned around, I found myself asking if she had seen ‘The Dark Knight’ yet. “I bought it when it came out,” I rambled on, not letting her get a word in. “But I haven’t found time to watch it. Do you want to watch it? With me?”

Her eyes lit up. “Yes,” she grinned as she walked towards me. “But I have to admit, I’ve never been a huge Batman fan. I haven’t seen any of the movies at all.”

“You haven’t seen ‘Batman Begins’?”

She shook her head.

“Sara!” I sighed. “You have so much to learn!” Without thinking, I grabbed her by the hand and immediately felt a familiar shock go through my entire body. Stopping suddenly, I dropped her hand. “Sit on the couch, I’ll be back in a minute, the movies are in my room.”

****

“You know you can sit closer Tanner, I don’t bite.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” I muttered.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing.” I stared at the TV wishing the movie would hurry up and play. “You never said why you were here.” Turning towards her, I waited for an answer.

“Oh right,” she jumped off the couch, hurried towards the front door and grabbed the gift bag she came in with. “I totally forgot about this.”

“What is it?” I asked as she held it out to me.

“Open it and find out,” she smiled at me. “It’s a birthday-housewarming-Christmas-or whatever you’d like it to be gift.”

Taking the gift bag, I placed it at my feet. “How about an ‘I just wanted an excuse to visit you because I missed you’ gift?”

“Yes,” she nodded. “There’s that too.”

“I missed you.” I lowered my head and pulled the bag open, popping the tape she had holding it together. “It hasn’t been the same, I’ve felt like….” I trailed off as I pulled Sara’s gift out of the bag. “Baby?” I stared at her, shocked as I held another one of her homemade quilts in my hand.

Sinking to her knees in front of me, she brushed her hand over my cheek. “I missed you a lot. It was so hard to leave you even though I knew you were right, I wasn’t ready. There wasn’t a day that passed where I didn’t think about you and wish that I was stronger. I wanted to be with you but I knew I wouldn’t be doing either one of us a favour if I pretended that I was ok.”

“I didn’t want to push you away,” I whispered as her hand caressed my cheek.

“I know.”

“It was the hardest thing I ever had to do.”

“But you had too.”

I nodded, “I did. You needed….”

“To be me again.”

“Yeah,” I chuckled. “I was afraid you forgot about me. You never called me.”

Sara moved closer. “No, no Tanner. I could never forget you. You were strong when I needed you to be and you helped me see that I didn’t deserve all the crappy things that were going on. You helped me more than you’ll ever know.” Taking a deep breath, Sara sniffled, “I love you so much,” she whimpered. “I thought I lost you forever.”

“Lost….” I stared at her in disbelief. “Sara, come.” I pulled her off her knees and with her quilt in one hand; I led her down the hallway, towards my room. Flipping on the light, I swung her around in front of me and held her in my arms. “Baby,” I pressed my lips against her ear. “Do you understand?”

Wide eyed, hand over her mouth, Sara stepped out of my arms and headed towards my bed, where the first quilt she made me was spread out. “Oh Tanner…” Leaning over, she ran her hand over her handiwork.

It was too much for me to ignore. Dropping her new quilt, I went to her, my hands gripping her hips as I pulled her back against me. “You can only tease me for so long.”

“Tease you?” She laughed as she turned around in my arms. “Tanner, I don’t plan on just teasing.”

****

In the middle of the night, I woke up cold. I couldn’t understand it until I rolled onto my side and saw my little blanket thief sound asleep with her back to me. “Sara?” I kissed her bare shoulder. “Is that why you gave me the second quilt?”

She wiggled further into the cocoon she made with my blankets. I couldn’t help but chuckle, she had done the same thing to me when we went camping our first summer together. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“Yeah,” she turned her head towards me. “But you’re still not getting in my cocoon.”

“Oh really?” Grabbing her, I rolled her onto her back while crawling on top. “I believe I’ve gotten in there a couple times already and…” I paused to kiss her. “You loved it.”

“Tanner!” She slapped my shoulder. “God, you are such a pervert!”

“I know,” I nuzzled her neck. “You love that too.”

“Yeah,” she sighed as her arms snaked around my neck. “So?” She stroked her fingers through my hair. “Are you going to make me beg, or are you -?”

I cut her off with a kiss. “Let me in!” I hissed impatiently as I tore at my blankets. Even though, I saw her naked and explored every single inch of her body a couple times by this time, unwrapping her that time was just like the very first time.

The last sheet fell away from her flesh as she arched her body towards mine. Groaning softly, I gripped her sides, completely blown away, once again. “You are so beautiful Sara.”

The End - Part Three

For months, people have been whispering in my ear about every event in Sara’s life. It’s funny how everyone seemed to think I was entitled to know what she was doing when I was the one who pushed her away. Whenever I asked them, most of them told me that it was what she needed.

“Sara was pissed when she came home from the city,” Billy told me. “Partly with you but mainly with herself. She knew that her lack of confidence was her biggest problem but she thought she was doing fine. Obviously she wasn’t.”

So, I guess Billy thought I did Sara a favour. My mom, on the other hand, was upset with me for a good month. She thought I should’ve encouraged Sara to seek help while being there as her friend. “I don’t know where I went wrong,” she grumbled. “I thought I raised my boys right but one is getting divorced and the other is using women like play toys!”

Yeah, mom was taking Travis’ and my women issues to heart. “You boys can’t bring these wonderful women home, make them a part of our family and then toss them aside!”

There was no arguing with mom when she got like that so I stayed away from her as much as I could. By the end of the summer, she was in agreement with Billy – Sara needed a push to get the help she needed to finally put The Bastard and her prick of a father behind her.

Travis was about the only one who was happy that I pushed Sara away. He went on and on about all the parties and clubs we could go to.

Whatever their position, no one hesitated to tell me everyone moment of Sara’s life. They kept me up to date on her therapy process and how she was changing for the better. I was shocked when Billy told me that she applied for a management position during the daytime and got it!

“She always talked about going back to days,” he told me. “But she couldn’t handle the idea of being around customers. I thought she was joking when, out of the blue, she told me that she applied for Backroom Manager.”

Even more shocked when I found out from Shelly that she spent a couple nights a week with Sara in kickboxing classes! “She just called me,” Shelly explained when I asked her how that came about. “She said she wasn’t sure she should be calling but wanted to know if I would like to join her in kickboxing classes.”

Apparently, in her therapy it came up that she wasn’t happy with the way she looked, she thought she was fat and decided to do something about it but she didn’t have anyone to workout with. She called Shelly because she was the only female she really knew, besides Anna, who had her own things going on.

From all reports it seemed like Sara was getting her life on track and she sounded like she was happy. She was even dating. And that killed me. I had nightmares of Sara with other men. Taunting me. Teasing me. Telling me of all the things Sara would do to them in the bed. The scariest one was when Sara’s ‘guy’ was my brother.

Upon hearing that she was dating, I tried to find out from them, if she was still mad at me. Of course, no one would tell me flat out, they all told me that I would have to talk to her.

Would you believe the idea of talking to her scared me?

****

“Fuck, it’s cold!” My brother pushed pass me without stopping to remove his snow covered shoes. “Who the hell ordered up this ass bitingly cold weather?”

“Hey!” I went after him. “Respect my floor, take your boots off!”

Standing in front of my fireplace, he held out his hands and rubbed them together. “You sound just like mom.” Glancing over his shoulder, he told me if the next thing out of my mouth was, I just cleaned them, he was leaving my sorry ass home.

“Just take your shoes off,” I threw over my shoulder as I headed back to the bathroom to finish getting ready to go out.

It was News Years Eve and I was going to the bar with Travis with hopes of running into Sara. I knew she would be there, Billy told me that they were going with a group of people from work, but he wouldn’t tell me if she was going to be on a date. “You’ll just have to show up to find out,” he told me.

“Tanman,” Travis appeared in the bathroom doorway. “I have to ask, can I crash here tonight?”

“What’s wrong with your place?”

He shrugged. “Nothing, you just live closer to the bar.”

At the end of summer, I went out of a limb and made an appointment with the bank to see if I could get a mortgage. I didn’t think I had a hope in hell of getting one but someone must’ve been on my side, the agent called me two days after my appointment and told me that everything was a go. I ended up buying myself a newer manufactured home located in a park just a few blocks away from the main bar in town.

The beginning of September, I moved into my new place. While I was moving in, Travis, in a move that shocked the hell out of everyone in the family, decided that he would be the one to move out of the house he owned with Shelly. “I don’t want my boys living in an apartment building,” he told me one night over beers. “I’ve already fucked them up enough.”

****

Travis and I weren’t at the club ten minutes before he disappeared and left me standing by the bar feeling like the biggest loser. It was ten o’clock and my first scan of the bar didn’t look too promising, I didn’t see anyone I recognized. I was starting to think that Billy lied to me and Sara was somewhere else celebrating the coming New Year with some other guy.

I had to tell myself that he wouldn’t do that to me, not when he expressed how great he thought it would be if we got back together, ‘for real this time’.

My second trip around the bar, I spotted Shelly with a group of her girlfriends so I stopped to see how she was doing. “Tanner!” She giggled as she hugged me. “What are you doing here?”

“Celebrating the new year,” I told her.

“By yourself?” She glanced around and then sized me up. “Dressed like that,” she tugged on my shirt. “You have to be here to impress someone – who is she?” Raising a brow, she asked, “Sara? I heard she was going to be here tonight.”

Chuckling, I gave her a shrug. “You know me Shelly; I’m just here for a good time.”

“Uh-huh,” she gave me another hug. “Keep telling yourself you aren’t missing her.”

****

It was almost eleven o’clock before I caught a glimpse of Sara and I’m ashamed to admit, I almost didn’t recognize her. Travis, who had returned not long after I left Shelly and her friends, elbowed me as he exclaimed, “Fuck me, Sara is smokin’ tonight.”

“What?” I turned in the direction he was pointing and had to do a double take because I couldn’t believe the beautiful happy woman standing just ten feet away from me was the same one I pushed away in May.

“What are you waiting for man?” Travis gave me a shove in Sara’s general direction. I told him not to shove me; I wasn’t ready to go talk to her at that moment. “Then I’m gonna go talk to her.” He was gone before I could stop him, throwing, ‘you talked to my woman’ over his shoulder as he went.

Instead of standing around, looking like a loser, I started another walk around the bar, never taking my eyes of Sara. Travis wasn’t kidding; she looked so hot that night. I knew before I saw her that she was going to be dressed up, Billy had told me that much but nothing could’ve prepared me for the strapless, nearly skin tight number she was wearing. I don’t even need to tell you were exactly my eyes travelled, anyone who knows me, knows my gaze rested on her chest.

As I watched her greet my brother with a hug, I wished the bastard was dead and I was the one with her tits pressed up against my chest.

I needed a drink.

****

For an hour I watched her laugh and dance with her friends. An hour of watching random guys walking up to her group, get close and whisper in her ear. There was this one guy who just couldn’t seem to let her get any space between them. He was the one I imagined killing.

Ten minutes to midnight, I had enough…beer…and of sitting around watching the woman I wanted laugh at other men’s lame (I’m assuming) jokes.

Five minutes to midnight, I decided I was going to talk to her.

One minute to midnight, I finally pushed off my bar stool and started across the room.

Twenty seconds to midnight, I stood behind her, trying to figure out how to get her attention as the Clingy guy made a move for her.

10….I grabbed her by the arm.

9….I spun her around to face me.

“Tanner?” She stared, wide eyed, up at me. I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing but it was too late to worry about that now.

3…My hand slipped around her waist and I drew her to me.

2…1...

As everyone shouted Happy New Year, I lowered my head and brushed my lips against hers, kind of like a test, to make sure she wasn’t about to kill me or something.

“Tanner…” she moaned as her arms wound themselves around my neck and her body melted against mine.

It seemed to go on forever, yet it seemed like a split second. It ended all too soon and believe it or not, I was the one who pulled away. I didn’t want too but I felt overwhelmed. It’s hard to describe, I wanted to kiss her but the second I touched her, I wanted more and there was no way to get that in a club. At least, not in a way that wouldn’t be disrespectful to the woman she was.

“Happy New Year Baby,” I whispered before releasing her and disappearing into the crowd.

I was walking out the door when Travis caught up to me. “What the fuck man! You had her, where the hell are you going?”

“Home,” I continued on my way. “I need to get out of here.”

I thought he was going to call me a pussy and tell me to get my ass back in the bar but he surprised me. “I know what you mean.” I frowned. “What?” He glared at me. “You think I love seeing my wife having a great time without me?”

I shook my head. I guess, he did understand some times.

“You know what I want to do?”

“No Travis, I don’t.”
“I want to see my boys.” He held out his hand to stop me. “Let’s grab a cab and go to mom and dad’s place.”

I had such high expectations for the night but to tell the truth, the way it ended, wasn’t all that bad.

Problem was, I hadn’t heard from Sara like I hoped I would.

The End - Part Two

I wish I saved my breath; it never was going to happen, no matter how much I wanted it too. Sure, there were feelings and a whole lot of chemistry but in the end, Sara’s demons were too much for her to overcome that weekend.


“I can’t keep doing this Sara.”


“I’m sorry, I wish it weren’t like this.”


“But it is.” With a deep sigh, I pushed her away from me, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. “I think you should go.”


She started to speak but I didn’t want to hear it, I had enough. I was tired of telling her how I felt and having her remain frozen to me. I hated being the only one who seemed to care if we ever moved pass being friends. My body hurt from all the sexual tension that had been building up without any real release. I needed to find release and it didn’t look like she would be the one to help me with it. She wasn’t ready to be willing.


She had to go.


As much as I tried to tell myself it was for the best, watching her drive away that May morning tore me apart. I can’t tell you how many times I reached for the phone to call her and tell her I didn’t mean it when I said it was over. I wanted to tell her I was sorry I pushed; I would give her all the time she needed.


When I wasn’t thinking about calling her, begging her to come back, I was wishing that she appeared at my door. In fact, every time I heard footsteps for a couple days after she left, or every time my phone rang, for a brief moment I held onto the hope that it was Sara. It never was of course, but I still wished it.


To this day, I believe that if it wasn’t for my training in the hotel and the gruelling interview, hiring and training process I had to deal with when I got back home, I would’ve went after her. Or went down the same road my brother was travelling since Shelly left him.


I won’t lie and say it’s been easy to forget everything I feel for Sara. It hasn’t. No matter how much I bury myself in my work or who I use to get her out of my head. Even alcohol doesn’t help, trust me, I’ve tried.


I missed her. There wasn’t anywhere I went that I didn’t have some flashback to a time I spent with her. It was crazy how the woman could be everywhere and mean so much in just a short amount of time. From the time she broke up with The Bastard until the morning she drove away from the hotel, it had only been six months. I have had relationships – sexual relationships – that have lasted longer than that but some of them I really don’t remember at all. Nothing I’ve ever experienced could even come close to the emptiness that I felt without Sara.


So, last month, I decided to do something about it.

The End - Part One

I held my breath as my fingers brushed against her towel. I didn’t think I had a chance in hell of actually getting it off her this time so I took my time, figuring that she wouldn’t be so quick to push me away if I didn’t seem like I was trying too hard to see her naked. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was but one look at her in the mirror told me I wasn’t the only one, Sara was chewing nervously on her bottom lip.

“Relax,” I whispered against her temple. “I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

“Tanner….”

“I promise.”

Sara nodded, her eyes lifting to meet mine in the mirror; she looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” My eyes dropped to her chest, I tried not to be disappointed but to tell the truth I was getting a little tired of the wall she threw up whenever I tried to get close.

She mumbled something but I didn’t catch it, so I asked her to repeat it. With a sigh, she slumped in my arms, “It’s ugly.”

My head snapped up. “Ugly?” I shot her a questioning look. “What’s ugly Sara?” She couldn’t have been talking about herself, there was no way, I had seen most of her at one point or another, I knew what she looked like and ugly wouldn’t be a word I’d use to describe it.

“Tanner….” She tried to turn in my arms but I stopped her. “Please, don’t.” She begged as she wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing her upper arms in a classic protective mode. “I don’t want to see it.”

It blew my mind that she was telling me she didn’t want to be naked when I couldn’t wait to get my hands on her naked flesh. In fact, I couldn’t help but run my hands over her sides as I asked her why she didn’t want to see herself naked. “I know I would love to see you naked so I don’t understand why you don’t want to.”

Shifting from one foot to the other, Sara looked uncomfortable. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She tried to wiggle out of my grasp but I had enough of her avoiding issues with me.

“Talk to me Sara, stop avoiding the issues and tell me what’s going on. I can’t do anything when you don’t let me in.”

“I’m not avoiding anything,” she snapped. “I just don’t want anyone to see me naked.” With that declaration she pushed away from me and scurried to the far end of the bathroom. “There’s nothing wrong with that Tanner, a lot of people don’t want others to see them naked.” She picked up her hairbrush and started to brush her hair. “I’m not a freak.”

“Never said you were, I just said you needed to talk to me if you want a relationship with me – I can’t deal with this wall you throw up whenever I want to get closer.”

Slamming down her hairbrush, she turned to glare at me. “What about what I want Tanner? Why does it always have to be about what the guy wants?”

Leaning against the sink, I took a deep breath. “It doesn’t have to be about me Sara, it can be about you, if you only let me in on what’s going on with you.”

Shaking her head, she turned away. “It won’t matter what I say Tanner, you’ll never understand.”

“You aren’t even going to try?” I was pissed; I thought I deserved some explanation or something. “Do you even want a relationship? Or are you just wasting my time?”

“Do I…?” She stared at me, her eyes started to fill up with tears. “I can’t believe you asked me that.”

With a sigh, I asked her what I was supposed to think. “I keep trying to get closer and you keep pushing me away.”

“What do you expect from me?” She asked as tears rolled down her cheek. “Do you think it’s easy for me? No one has ever cared about what I think or feel – I’ve had to hide everything - it’s not easy to change.”

“Sara, I ask. I want to know. I’m not like….” I didn’t want to say his name; it always left an awful taste in my mouth whenever I thought about what he did to her. “I won’t hurt you Sara.”

She nodded, tears rolling down her face. “I know,” she whispered. “I know.”

“Come here,” I reached for her. “Don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed as she walked into my open arms. “I don’t mean to be such a bitch.”

Wrapping my arms around her waist, I held her tight. She felt so good, I didn’t know what I would do if she wasn’t there – she meant a lot more to me than I wanted to admit. “It’s ok baby, I don’t think you are a bitch.”

“No?” She lifted her head off my chest. “You just think I’m crazy.”

I smiled, “You have to be to be with me.”

“I am with you Tanner,” she squeezed me. “I want to be with you, I do.”

“I’m serious Sara.”

“So am I.”

“Being with me, you need to trust me enough to let me in. I need to know what’s going on, I can’t be tossed against that wall whenever you don’t feel like talking.”

“I know,” she gave me a weary grin. “It’s just going to take some time but I promise I’ll try – I really want to be with you Tanner.”

“Good,” I kissed her forehead. “So, we’ll start –“

“Tomorrow,” she stood on her tip toes and kissed my cheek. “We have to get ready for dinner.”

I chuckled. “What about after dinner? Can we talk then?”

“Yeah,” Sara nodded. “We can.” She pushed back from me and returned to fixing her hair. “Are you going to shower?”

I told her I was. “Did you want to watch?”

****

Before I pulled back the shower curtain, I wrapped my towel around my waist. I didn’t want too but if Sara wasn’t showing me then I didn’t want her to think that I was trying to push her if I paraded around her naked. Although, truth be told, I would rather be naked.

“Hey, look at you!”

“What?” She laid down her brush and turned towards me. With a hesitant hand, she touched her hair, “Is there something wrong Tanner?”

“Not at all, I like it.”

“Yeah?” She glanced in the mirror, looked happy for a split second before a frown appeared.

“You ok?”

She nodded, gave me a smile but it never reached her eyes. “I’m going to get dressed.”

****

We arrived downstairs about five minutes later than the time that mom requested but it looked like we weren’t the only ones who were late, Travis hadn’t shown up and Anna wasn’t anywhere to be found.

“Travis wouldn’t be doing something he shouldn’t with that Anna, would he?” My mom had pulled me aside just as Sara and I joined dad, Billy and her at the table.

“Like what mom?”

Mom gave me a knowing look. “Travis is a married man Tanner, I need to know if –“

“Good evening everyone,” Anna came waltzing into the restaurant, alone. “Oh wow,” she went to Sara and touched her hair. “You look amazing; you should do your hair like that more often.”

“Yeah?” Sara smiled at her as she fingered her hair. “Thank you Anna.”

Anna took a seat next to Billy, giving me a quick glance before telling Sara that it couldn’t have been the first time I heard that she looked good. “I’m sure Tanner has told you how beautiful you are.”

I told Anna I did. “But, of course, she didn’t believe me.”

Anna smiled. “Sometimes my boyfriend doesn’t think I believe him either, but I do, it’s just different to hear it from another chick because chances are that she’s not trying to get some, if you know what I mean.”

“See?” Sara patted my cheek and gave me a smile. “I’m not crazy.”

“I never said you were Sara.”

Chuckling, Anna told Sara that her guy always tells her she’s crazy. “But,” she leaned across and lowered her voice, “If you ask me, I think they love it when we are a little crazy, gives them something to fall back on when they have no idea what to do with us.”

“Is that so?” Sara grinned up at me. “Maybe I can be a little crazy, you know, if it helps you handle me.”

****

“Where is Travis?” It was a half an hour later and my brother still hadn’t graced us with his presence. “I tried calling the room but there wasn’t an answer.” Turning to me, she asked me to go upstairs and find out where he was. “Check the parking lot for his car!” Mom called after me as I left the restaurant.

Turned out, I didn’t even need to waste my time getting up; Travis was stomping across the lobby as I was leaving the restaurant. “I need a drink,” he told me. “Let’s go out somewhere and have a guys night, what do you say?”

Before I could tell him that I didn’t think it would be a good idea for me to have anything to drink, mom came out to see what was keeping us. “Your father needs to eat,” she told us as she grabbed both of our arms.

****

I had only been seated again for a couple minutes when I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Tanner?” I turned to see one of the servers from the banquet standing over my shoulder. Her eyes widened, “It is you!” With her hand still on my shoulder, she went on to tell me that the rest of the banquet girls and her were shocked to hear that I was in the hospital.

“I know what you mean,” Sara leaned forward, her hand slipping over my thigh as she moved. “When his mom called me at work and told me, it took a few minutes for it to sink in.”

The smile on Robin’s face slipped for a split second as she glanced at Sara.

Sara didn’t seem to notice, or maybe she didn’t care, she just continued to tell Robin just how worried she was. “I freaked out,” she told Robin. “I didn’t know what to do. Thankfully, I have a great best friend who is a rock…” She reached over and gave Billy’s hand a squeeze. “You’re the best.”

Robin couldn’t have seemed more disinterested in what Sara was saying if she tried. “That’s nice,” she aimed a fake smile in Sara’s direction.

Letting go of Billy’s hand, Sara turned around, not looking too happy. “I’m sorry,” she glanced at Robin’s hand on my shoulder. “I didn’t catch your name.”

By this time everyone at the table had dropped their menus. They were watching the interaction between Sara and Robin, who didn’t respond to Sara’s question. “Not going to answer?” Sara raised a brow and then surprised me with a shrug. “Doesn’t matter,” she patted my thigh and gave me a smile. “It doesn’t matter.” Then, as if nothing happened, she picked up her menu and gazed up at me. “What do you recommend Tanner?”

I wanted to laugh because it wasn’t the reaction I was expecting from Sara. To tell the truth, I expected her to be pissed and think that I was doing something with Robin behind her back. Not because I was but because that’s the conclusion most women would jump to when another dared to approach their man.

“Depends on what you feel like baby,” I stated as I slipped my arm around her shoulders and leaned in to kiss her temple. “Chicken, beef, pork or just something that’s all veggies?”

“I want….” She trailed off as her eyes met mine. “You,” she whispered.

****

I planked my ass down on a bar stool. Next to me Travis was slamming back shots, already on his way to a good hang over. “Are you going to tell me why you are drinking yourself stupid tonight?”

“She’s done.”

“Who’s done Trav?”

With a chuckle, he asked me who I thought. “Shelly,” he shook his head. “She told me she was done, she couldn’t – no, wouldn’t go to counselling or give us another shot. She said she gave me all the chances in the world to show her I care…” With a shrug, he motioned to the bartender to give him another shot. “I showed her the best I could Tanner, she just don’t understand but….I’m a guy for fuck sakes, we don’t do mushy bullshit stuff.”

“Not true, some guys do – I do.”
“Maybe she should’ve married you then.” He slammed back his shot before telling me he couldn’t talk to me. “Guys like you give the rest of us a bad name.”

“Come on Travis, if Shelly means anything to you, you won’t let her get away. Stop drowning yourself in alcohol, get your ass back home and deal with your issues!”

I left Travis sitting at the bar, sulking, to cross the lounge to the far corner where Sara was perched on a stool watching Anna and Billy play a pool. “Hey,” I pulled up a stool and sat next to her. “I thought you were playing?”

Shaking her head, she told me that she lost the last game. “The balls wouldn’t cooperate with me!”

I couldn’t let that statement go. Leaning closer, I lowered my head until my mouth brushed against her ear. “Baby, I know of a set that will.”